I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
