just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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