Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
