She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
