I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
