He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
