I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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