is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
