why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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