i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
