Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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