i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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