I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
