Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
