My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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