she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
