Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
