I'm jealous of your bromance
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
