Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
