you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
