oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
