I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
