how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
