Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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