Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
