oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
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I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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