i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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