dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
