I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
