u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Still dying that you shit outside
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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