somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
