Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
