The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
