I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she smelled like a LAN party
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
