You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
