My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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