I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
