somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
