I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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