Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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