I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize