I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
