if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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