he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
