he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
