Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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