we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
