You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
