I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
