Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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