I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
