Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
