Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
