hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
