This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
