I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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