And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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