So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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