Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
