Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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