apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize